This is my happy

Last week I was so exhausted. Goldie was sick with a fever, and a sore throat/dry-raspy cough (possibly croup), and Dottie wasn't sleeping, and I was literally losing my mind. Sleep deprived, and crazy from a tired newborn, and sick 22 monther, that just wanted to be held. Let's just say I dumped oatmeal straight in the garbage after opening the package instead of a bowl, and a couple days later I put the cream cheese in the junk drawer instead of the fridge. #winning

This week I'm a new woman! Goldie is better, and happier, and Dottie is sleeping almost through the night! I almost don't want to say that out loud in case I would jinx it... but yay!! Hopefully it sticks. But regardless if I'm sleep deprived or not, I am as happy as I could  have ever imagined, and am so in love with my sweet family. 

Family photos are from Emily check her out on insta (@edevenney) because she was perfect at capturing us. No stress! Even Scott had a good time so.... ;) 

2 under 2

Having two babies is no joke! Our days consist of a lot of diapers, laundry, and nursing. I can't seem to find time in the day to clean or cook... so our house is full of clutter, and Goldie is living off crackers and cereal. Even though some days are long, and sleep is sparse, I know the months fly by, and my babies grow before my eyes.

My Mama Heart

I will warn you in advance... this is probably overly sentimental (what can I say... that's me always) and is just me totally rambling about motherhood. You've been warned ;)

Does anyone else have those days when you are completely overcome with gratitude and like an overwhelming love? The moments where you're like... oh my gosh... you're mine forever. How did I get so lucky? You are beautiful! The cutest thing I have ever seen. My whole world, my whole heart.

Lately I have been so sentimental. I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones or what, but man... I feel SO BLESSED. As our time as a family of three is coming to and end (WHAT.) I find myself worrying a little about Goldie. My first baby. The little angel that made me a mama. You guys I'm literally obsessed with her. I am by no means saying she's my favorite, but right now I am trying hard to imagine my full-to-the-brim heart, having room to love another like I love Goldie. BUT somehow it is!! Do mother's hearts' just grow... like seriously I don't get it because mine is about to explode over here.

I LOVE being a mom. It is the hardest thing I've ever done, but the most rewarding job in the world. Seeing goldie just grow into her sweet self is the greatest thing I've experienced in my life. I can't believe I get to do it again. And on top of it watch goldie become a big sister. Like wholly heart eyes right!? Goldie makes my day every day, even the sassy, toddler-tantrum filled ones. I am so grateful for her, her baby sister (who we think has a name... hopefully it sticks!), and their sweet daddy. He's pretty dang cute himself.

Oh the feels!!

2 "bebes"

I LOVE Goldie's personality! She is the most outgoing, friendly, and sweetest little girl! She is always keeping us laughing, chasing, and smiling. I swear she has some tom boy in her because man, she is waaaaay active. Other girls her age seem very mellow, and what not, but Goldie is always all over the place. I love it, but it  makes for some tiring days :)

On Sunday during class we said the opening prayer and after everyone said "amen" Goldie (loudly) says, "Oh yeah! I was dying it was too funny.

So I am now 12 weeks preggo... almost out of the first trimester! Thank heaven. And yes, I have an already pregnant belly, and yes have actually been asked if I am pregnant. I don't know how to feel about it, but I guess that's the down side of having a short body, and no torso... baby's got no where to hide! So Goldie too has been noticing my growing belly, and its safe to say she's in LOVE. She always wants to give baby loves and kisses, but it has to be my bare baby, she will just keep lifting up my layers until she finds it. When she does she gets so excited and squeals, "bebe!" We will see if these feelings remain once the baby gets here :) 

These are moments I want to remember forever.

Photos by Shaylei Halling Photograpy

No place I'd rather be.

Sometimes we get caught up in everyone else and what they are doing, and I find myself feeling bad that I don't vacation in Mexico every weekend, or haven't taken Goldie to Disneyland yet. And I definitely don't look perfectly put together with full on makeup, and long curls, with an outfit from Anthropologie or Free People. Or I don't have a mansion that looks like it's from a West Elm magazine

The truth is... I maybe wash my hair once or twice a week if I'm lucky because I am bathing Goldie. I am usually wearing yoga pants, or sweats, even though I don't work out... ever, because I'm already getting chubby from this pregnancy, and sweats feel better than jeans. I don't always feed Goldie all organic meals, because I throw up like all the time. Sorry to my family for that one... lots of empty carbs. And changing diapers is becoming a full time job.

The reality of it is this is my real life, and I wouldn't change a thing. I love who I get to share this life with, and I love being a mom more than anything. I am grateful Scott has a job that allows me to stay at home with my babies and raise them! I am grateful for our house and that I get to fill it with love and memories. I am grateful to be a mom to the most amazing, smart little girl. I may be biased but she means the world to me. I am also grateful to get the opportunity to be a mommy again, there is no greater feeling.

I guess the point is, no matter what your situation is, try to make the best of it. Then you will grow to love it, and realize the blessings always outweigh the bad.

Thank you to Ali Middleton, an amazing photographer, (check her out) for taking these pictures of my family. They are so us. And I love them.

A couple weeks before these photos were taken one of my good friends Jess Tait did this super cute video! I love how it just shows our real life... toys, ball, and laundry :) there's nothing better! If you are needing a videographer for anything (weddings, missionaries, family shoots) check her out!!

i love being your mom

First off I just want to let my mom, grandmas, aunts, and all the other important women in my life how blessed I am to have you. Mom.... you are nothing short of amazing. When I look back at my childhood, I wouldn't change a thing. You made everything so fun, and now I know how much work that takes. I really hope someday I can be half the mom you were to us growing up.

I feel so many emotions writing this. I will never forget the day you were born, and the first time I held you, and the love that filled the room. I was so happy you were ours forever. I know all I do is talk about little Goldie on here, but to me she is perfect and I could never stop talking about her! When I got pregnant I thought I wanted a boy.. but I am so happy I had a girl first! Goldie is my little buddy- sometimes we color coordinate (okay more often than not), play together, take lots of pictures, and even get the giggles together. I can never say how much I love being her mom. I feel so much love for her. Even though she still wakes up two or more times a night, and hates taking naps, I love her. Even if she wants to be held all day, some days, I will do it, because I love her so much.

My favorite part of the day is rocking her to sleep because she just looks at me while I sing and smiles and touches my face. It melts my heart every time. When she laughs at me, it is a total confidence-booster, even though she is giggly! She is so determined and loves to do things by herself. I always want to remember these things about Goldie.

I have been asked by some people what I do all day since I don't have a job...sure I don't get paid an hourly wage, but it feels like my job as a mom is important. Being a mom hasn't been easy, but it feels natural to me. Sure it's tiring, busy, messy, and a full-time job, but all you have to do is smile at me, fall asleep in my arms, laugh, pretty much just be you, and it makes everything so worth it.

I 100% know I look like death/chubby.

remembering

I know that every post I make I say I want time to slow down... because I do. My baby is coming up on four months-- which is so exciting-- but so sad at the same time! How can I have a four month old baby!? It feels like I just had her yesterday. I find myself thinking about that day(s) a lot. It was by far one of the most incredible days of my life. I loved EVERYTHING about it. Even the long labor. And I will just say it... I miss it!!! I know crazy.. but meeting Goldie for the first time was amazing. And every day since then has been amazing. She was the most beautiful little thing I have ever seen (I know I'm biased.. but still). Holding her for the first time is an indescribable feeling. I mean I still can't believe that she is mine! How did we score with such a great baby?! I cry all the time because she is/was just so dang cute!

It is so fun watching her grow and develop a personality. She continues to amaze me how strong she is, and how she can make my heart melt with just one little smile. I just want to soak everything up every day... and remember the way she smiles and batts her eyelashes or the way she kicks her legs when she's happy. To me she is the most perfect baby in the world. I just want her to be little forever, but the same time grow and fulfill her potential. I will always have a special place in my heart for the little girl that made me a mama, the best full time job I will ever have. I LOVE you to the moon and back miss Goldie Sue.

motherhood

Being a mom is so amazing. For me it has been hard to get the hang of... your life revolves around feeding, burping, bathing, diaper changes.... and the cycle goes on 24/7. and somehow it is so fun and rewarding. Even if Scott comes home from work, and I'm not showered, and we're both in our PJ's... I still feel like we accomplished so much. There is probably so much that I do so wrong, but Goldie still thinks I am a great mom. She gets excited to see me, laughs (almost), and beams when I talk to her. It really melts my heart. So not matter what I may do wrong, I know she will always love me because she has two parents that love her so much. Even though she may still sleep with/on me (I know I'm the biggest pushover ever), or take her to give her shots. I am still her mom, and sometimes I am the only one that can calm her down. It is an amazing feeling, but sometimes I feel so inadequate and worry if I am doing things wrong. Then I have to think... Goldie is healthy, happy and so loved. I wish time would slow down because now my newborn is a baby. I guess what I'm getting at is that I am no where near a perfect mother, but I am learning, and I am so enjoying getting to know my sweet little girl! Thank you for choosing me as your mom Goldie, I am forever grateful.